Goodness. Would anybody else like to tell me to stop worrying and to ‘just enjoy him’? I might just wallop you one.
I’ve had to do a little introspection (no surprises there) to figure out why it drives me so crazy and gets me into such a tizz when someone tells me to stop worrying and to just enjoy my children.
Here it is: That person thinks that I am not enjoying my children. They are such a joy! They are my joy! It is that simple. I am not too sleep deprived to enjoy them. I am not so overwhelmed with xyz difficulties to enjoy them, though yes, it is not possible to enjoy every moment – it is ludicrous to even suggest that. I didn’t think that I had to repeatedly overtly express how incredible I think they are. Isn’t that obvious?
I am striving to do what is best for my family so that all of us are the happiest we can be. That, for me, means doing what I am currently doing – Feeding with the SNS. It is not just for my boy, it is for me too. Sure, it is not my ultimate dream realised, but it is pretty darn close. Feeding my little one using the SNS does not take away from my quality of life, it gives me the chance to do what I have always wanted. When he is upset or overtired or in pain, I can give him my breast. He enjoys it, it calms him, it provides him sustenance and comfort, and it allows me to hold him in the closest way that I can. ‘Letting it go’ and giving him the bottle would make me sad to miss out on having this special relationship with him that I am currently enjoying.
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| Obligatory BF photo. The more the better! |
This, right here among these words I write, is the person that I am. I am a thinker, an analyser, a person who is constantly on the hunt for ways to improve. I am also an overthinker, an overanalyser, probably too sensitive and a bit of a catastrophiser. And yes, there are obvious negatives there, but that is just me! I am also a person who is so filled to the brim with love and who has fun with my family, playing trains, dancing, doing puzzles, hiding in a cave of blankets, making animal noises, pretending to be aeroplanes, singing, tickling, wrestling, jumping, counting, drawing, reading, cuddling, loving.
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| Sucking in those little moments |
Yes, I have my downs; I’m still postpartum, and everyone who actually knows what they are talking about tells me that this is normal. I am aware of this and I am doing things to help me overcome it. Also, I feel as though there is not enough literature out there exploring the intricacies of the downs of new parenthood, so perhaps writing how I truly feel at some times will lead to fewer mothers feeling so isolated. Wouldn’t that be nice.
But this blog is about my breastfeeding journey, not about how much I laugh and play with my babies.
