Yes, I got my husband to give him a bottle, and that beautiful little baby of ours actually took it.

I was worried about my milk production. Again.

Ever since we had his tongue tie snipped, I have been slowly reducing my domperidone levels. All advice for stopping domperidone is to do it very gradually, and so I have been going down by one 10mg tablet each week. I was on 120mg, so it’ll take a while.

The day before the bottle was my first day at 80mg. That night, despite feeding all night long, he woke with an almost empty nappy. Those morning nappies are usually my favourite; the ones that make me feel like yes, I DO have milk! But not that day. We then changed his nappy and went out for the day. I fed him as usual, which is every two or so hours (though usually only for a few minutes before he wants to continue looking and interacting with the wondrous world around him. Ah, the distracted feeder!). I subconsciously found myself feeling his nappy throughout the day, and eventually we came home around 4 and changed him. I presumed that my husband had done another change in the day, but he said he hadn’t. It was dry. Perhaps there was a tiny pee in there, but it was pretty much dry.

So I took him to the bedroom, did our skin to skin lie-down feed and prepared myself for a marathon feed session, but he just cried and pulled at my nipple the entire time, like he used to before. I didn’t feel any of the usual letdown feelings I have been getting (though I know that isn’t necessarily a sign of anything), I didn’t hear any swallowing. I couldn’t hand express anything. Not a teeny drop.

So I got my husband to give him a bottle. The last time we tried was in hospital and there was no way he was going to have that bottle anywhere near him, so I didn’t actually expect it to work.

He stared at me with his big sad eyes the entire time, the poor thing.

He only took around 15ml from the bottle, and then was totally happy again. My crazy boy.

That was Sunday. On Monday, I took him to the local clinic to have him weighed, and he has only put on 0.35kg in two months. We had his 6 month doctor’s appointment on wednesday where they weighed him again at 7.35kg, and I asked about it. He said that yes, the weight could definitely be higher, but my superstar is so healthy, is absolutely not a skinny-mini, is reaching milestones like a champ (already standing on furniture and sitting!) and is happy, so don’t stress about it. He said if I like and am worried, I can give some formula again, but when I talked to him about what we had been through, he said not to worry about it.

He suggested to keep feeding him as much breastmilk as I can, whenever he is bored or tired or grizzly or anything (which we do), and that the solids we give at the moment should not just be the plain vegetables or fruits, but try to focus on high calorie solids for a while. So at the moment there is quite the focus on banana and avocado, and some milchbrei (No idea what this is in English… spelt and millet cereals with the milk included in the cereal). He is snacking on steamed zucchini strips, red capsicum and cucumber, and I am giving him some pureed veggies with potato… but I am on that whole ‘is my baby gaining enough’ bandwagon. Back to get him weighed again soon.

So I am back up to 90mg. When I feel ready again, I’ll try to go down to 80mg again and see if that really is to blame.

Meanwhile, I’m making heaps of milk again. His nappy this morning was chock-a-block full.

And once again I don’t really know how I feel about it all. Maybe it actually is me after all, and not just the tongue tie. Sigh. But one thing I do know is that I have some beautiful boys in my midst.